Sunday, December 20, 2009

circle time in seattle

The invitation to participate in this conversation keeps reaching farther out and in to women's hearts across the country. Right before Thanksgiving I sent an invitation to participate through Threshold Choir (thanks to Kate Munger) and heard back from about 40 women in response - from Ann Arbor, MI to British Columbia, Canada. I'm so encouraged by this phenomenon and my belief in the need for and benefits of this project grows with every contact and every circle. Speaking of which ...

Thank you Seattle AND many many thanks to you Melina for hosting!! I was immediately reminded of what a gift it is to give our full presence and listen to each other - this has been true everywhere, but especially so in Seattle. With a majority of the women in her 40s, we covered a span of almost 30 years (ages 36-62) and several countries of origin: S. Africa, Italy and Mexico, in addition to several different states in the US. One stand out for me in Seattle, was that these women had very clear ideas about how they are finding fulfillment in life and channeling their nurturing and love. Several work directly with women who are or want to be mothers; offering counsel and therapy to those who have lost babies, photographing women who are pregnant, coaching parents, or helping mothers reclaim their bodies and selves after giving birth and raising children by offering yoga retreats and personal practices. There was also a lot of interest in this topic from men, including partners of these women, and I was reminded again how this is as profound an inquiry and life determining decision for them too! It is a parenting issue as much as a mothering issue, and the generation just behind me, seems to be more open to the idea of not procreating and much less programed to think this is what we must do as women/people.

Upon listening to everyone's stories I began to see more connections between all the circles and the themes/chapters for the ultimate collection started to emerge. Now it is time for me to pour through the hours of content I've been gathering over the last few months and bring your voices together into an inviting, uplifting, and enriching audio program. I'll be spending January focused on this, in addition to my other work helping protect wetlands in the SF Bay Area, and will post progress reports as I go. Come February, I may need to augment what I've got in some follow up one-on-one interviews, and/or host another circle or two.

I'm excited and challenged by the work ahead, and look forward to the process of listening, learning, extracting and piecing this into a final product that is of benefit to many. May that ripple continue to extend out to all beings everywhere. May you find peace in the holidays ahead and creatively define what they mean to you and those you love.

with gratitude

Thursday, November 5, 2009

LA - or make that Woodland Hills - Ahhhhhh! thank you

OH my

Enough to Love (ETL) just gets better every time we gather. The circle on October 29 was INCREDIBLE! Thank you dear ones down south - you expanded the reach of dialog and fine tuned the inquiry. What amazing women you are - how inspiring and insightful and present and wise. I left beaming with affirmation and deeply touched by your authenticity, your confidence, your presence and your journeys. I love how you've prioritized the love you feel for your partners, how you've healed the wounds of your past and refused to perpetuate the cycle of pain, how you are raising consciousness in the lives of people you know and touch, and how you've boldly and uniquely moved in the direction of your dreams.

When I ask what it is you are doing with your love, if not giving it to a child you birth, you helped guide me in a more honest direction. Certainly I don't mean to imply that as women, we must give our love to something if not a child we bear. Yet, there is an energy we all have that longs to create and love ... to find meaning and use ... and it IS important to know what is happening to that, and to help give it expression. It isn't some obligation to be giving because we are women, but rather a necessity for our own fulfillment and satisfaction and well being. As a friend of mine said recently - "what do you need to believe to know that you are you." You all are leaders on the path of self acceptance and understanding. Because of you. I became more awake to the freshness of this opportunity, how new this choice, as a woman to procreate or not, and what a truly pioneering approach to being a woman on the planet it is.

I am so grateful to you and the ripple of support and empowerment you are sending out to and through me.


NEXT STOP: Seattle - December 13

the journey continues ... the garden is never finished

November 5, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


The women were open, honest, tender, brave, revealing and authentic. There are themes emerging around this topic, like the pressure women feel to have kids, especially from their own mothers, and the responses they get when they tell people they aren't going to, don't want to or can't. The reasons women aren't or don't vary, but a greater number of them than I expected have always known they didn't want to be a mom. As someone who was more of an on the fencer, and certainly someone most people always thought would because I have such a strong connection to kids, this has surprised me. Most notable of all, there has been a palpable contentment in these women's disposition, and a true ease in connection - me with them, and they with each other, even though in every circle some women have been meeting for the first time. They have been fun to be around and interesting to talk to and so consistently available and present! I definitely got some quotable material in Louisville and look forward to hearing from the women in LA on OCTOBER 29.

Thank you Valerie for hosting in Kentucky!

Thank you Patricia for welcoming me and gathering a big group in Southern California.

Santa Cruz, Seattle and possibly one other are on the horizon. Then, next stop ... This American Life! I feel it! Email me if you want me to come to your neighborhood. I'm in search of a grant now to help fund this.

stay tuned ...


Thursday, September 10, 2009

September 8th circle

The September 8 circle at my home in Marin was held in honor of my best friend Heather who is visiting the states from her life and home, now in New Zealand. Unlike me she has always known she didn't want to have children and as it became more apparent and likely that I wouldn't, I found great comfort in being so close to someone who has such a strong and positive view about it. She is one of the most beautiful, nourishing, sensual and giving souls I've ever known and inspires me with her life as a farmer on a 750 acre piece of land she has birthed into a biodynamic farm over the last 13 years.

There were 6 of us on Tuesday - a really nice number fostering intimacy and still offering diversity. We ranged in age from early 40s to mid 60s, and in reflection from still open to having children to happily without. The sharing was honest, the stories diverse and we all left with the mind activated and newly inspired.

I am so grateful for this sharing and camaraderie and support. I feel so clear and free! I am a candle for this path and it feels good and right. Thank you beautiful women.


Monday, August 31, 2009

talking circles

I've got 5 evenings of conversation around the rich subject of being a fulfilled woman who is living a child-free life upcoming this fall and am working now on an audio program on the subject. The dates are - Sept 8 in the Bay area, Oct 3 in Louisville Kentucky, Oct 30 in LA, November 14 in Seattle and a Tahoe circle (t.b.d) ...

You are welcome to join if any of these dates and locations work for you. It is a juicy topic and very inspiring to be part of if you are needing some support, are on the fence, or have settled into this life path and want to share your story about how that is working out for you and filling you up.

Very exciting.

to be continued.

I welcome your story and thoughts on the subject.


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Everyone has a great idea for their life...

Discover the great idea of your life, and set it free.
But don't kid yourself. It will take every ounce of you.
No weak, halfhearted effort will raise this child. Only a mothers love will get the job done.

The work of the creative person is to make her idea independent of her,just as the work of a parent is to make her child independent.

Many times people are afraid to embrace their idea, their vision, because deep down they know they will become responsible for it, and it will hold them, like a child holds a mother until it is free of her.
Just as a mother becomes a servant of the child, so the creator becomes the servant of his creation. Like any parent he is both happy and sad the day he sets it free.
It's a labor of love. What we mean by 'giving your best' is taking on the great idea of your life and carrying it, nurturing it, loving it until it can stand on its own two feet, and you are free.
Take an idea that will grab hold of you and not let you go until it has squeezed the very best from you.

That is your life¹s mission. Your mission is your special gift to mankind. It is the most appropriate vehicle through which to express your unique talents, interests, and abilities. It¹s a steady application of effort to the lifelong challenge of remaining true to your best.It¹s the love of your life in action.

Zen and the Art of Making a Living

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Enough to Love - an introduction

This is a book for and by people who choose not to or can’t have children. A book of stories about how our maternal/paternal longing can be fulfilled in other ways. Love stories really, but a different kind of love story – a different journey of discovery.

As my own biological clock approaches the final hour, I find myself listening to a little voice inside that asks: “Why be beholden to one, when you can be available to many?” Can my intrinsic need to share that very special kind of mother love be satisfied and fulfilled by a life without children of my own? I believe so. And if this is true for me, it must be true for many others.

I believe the world as it is right now can benefit greatly from our love and service. Once we devote our life to raising our own family, often there is little left over to give to causes that serve the greater good. What might happen if a growing percentage of us choose to give our love to the collective rather than our own families? Perhaps there will be a chain reaction of positive impacts with great benefit to all. What if we love ourselves enough to honor and celebrate our lives as they are and to live them fully?

While the reasons why people can’t, or won’t procreate vary and may come in to play when telling their story, this is not the main interest or focus of the book. Rather it is an exploration of what was and is possible in the life of a person who, for whatever reason, did not give birth to his or her own children.

My hope is that these stories serve to inspire and uplift. And most of all, if you are one who hears the call to give your love and life to the world we live in, rather than one you create in your own family, you are not alone. May you heed the call, share your love, and may the earth and all beings be healed and thrive because of it.

THANK you!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Dedication prayer

I may not have given birth to you

but I promise to see you for who you really are.

I will shine the light on your true gifts

and with a deep well of understanding, comfort you when life is hard.

Yes I may not be any one person’s mother,

but with my compassion I shall attempt to nurture all.

May my breast feed many men and children.

May the openness of my heart heal those who are wounded.

Let the limitlessness of my life expand me into the great mystery

so that I may bring magic back into the routine of other’s lives.

May the freedoms I enjoy enable me to serve many.

This book is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters before and behind me

who have been, or will find themselves, on this path of self discovery.

To empower, honor and encourage them along the way.

And to my Aunt Pauline who never married or raised children.

May all beings be free from suffering and may all people awaken to their true nature.